Chain
Chains are benefitial human tools that are physically able to rust, get old, hard, rusty, old, hard, old, rusty.... They can be very thick, ranging from, like, as thick as a really fat french fry to being as thick as, like.... a really unfat french fry. They are known for being a tool that can kill someone if you tie it around their neck and pull the ends real hard until the person stops breathing (10-30 seconds, usually), and that will work on anyone. Despite popular belief, chains are not edible, and, in fact, if you try and eat one of them then you will get cancer and swine flu at the same time, and it's really bad to get cancer and swine flu at the same time, because it makes you explode/blow up. History The first chain was created in 1998 to help bicycles work better, as, previously, bicycles used a waterhose as a bike chain instead of a bike chain, which was much more efficient. The chain, however, popped off of the bicycler's bicycle in 2001 (just some random guy's bicycle) and he fell off his bike and flew into the sky before landing on someone's house and rolling off into a bush that roughyl softly landed him onto a yard, but to which, later, a lawnmower mowed him over and.... Yeah. Material Most chains are made out of brick but you can find some that are made out of afros, if you go to the Unknown Section of Walmart, and it's right beside the minigun, if you ever decide to actually look instead of just browsing for clothes that you know you will never buy. Some things you didn't know about chains *People who work at McDonald's are allowed to stick chain bits in people's hamburgers. That's the little hard stuff you feel when you bite into a hamburger and it hurts your teeth. It's not a bone or a tendon, or anything else that would make you think it was that. *Chains are actually living things, but they are part-time vegetarians and only eat meat sometimes, but they favor human meat, so watch out, surely you don't wanna get eaten, do you? Uses for chains .]] Uses for chains may include: *You can use them as choking weapons. You can kill someone by.... wait, nevermind, that's already been discussed. Yeah, nevermind. Hm. *As a chaingun, you can shoot people like crazy serious, and then you can load it back up by stealing some random kid's bicycle chain to give you more ammo. *You can wrap it around your mother's sawing saw and then you can use it as a chainsaw, but don't tell your mom, or she'll call the cops on you and make you spit your gum out. *Little kids and obsessed adults like to ride bicycles so supposedly you can use a chain for a bicycle, but make sure it's the right chain, because you don't want a chain to be used if it's like as fat as your friend's cat. *In the game show Chain Reaction they spank people with chains and cut them open with chainsaws to make fun of British/American people. That's lame and weird.... *You can lock something up with a chain, like a fence, but if some wanderer who's up to no good tries to hop the fence anyway, go ahead and shoot him in the face with a chaingun. That'll teach him a lesson. *Some necklaces include chains, but don't try and buy one that's so thick that it weighs like forty pounds because that's just too much. You don't wanna break your neck or something with it. Save that for later. See also *Saw (tool) *The Unknown Section of Walmart *Walmart *Popo